First boyfriend

A few days ago, my younger daughter came to me and told me that a boy, T, told her that he liked her.

I asked her what she said, and she said that she told him that she liked him too, but it didn't matter because he had to TALK TO HER DADDY FIRST.

First of all, although the daughters are in the 10th and 11th grades, this is the first time that "boyfriend" has come up. Both of the girls have A LOT of boy FRIENDS, but no special ONE.

Secondly, my husband and I have never discussed what would happen when they DID like someone because, um, maybe they would never grow up, you know what I mean?

So the very fact that R took the initiative to refer him to her daddy is huge to us.

I asked her if she wanted me to give her dad a "heads up." Nope, she said. Talking to him would be good for T.

You have to understand that my husband is not the kind of person who needs to be faced with such an unexpected request cold turkey. So I asked R if she really wanted Daddy to be surprised and put on the spot.

Well, maybe you should talk to him first. And I did. He was clueless and confused. No, she can't date. She is just shy of 15. Why is she interested in a BOY anyway? What does he WANT?

In the meantime, said boy is seeking counsel from a friend of my husband who advises him in the proper terminology ("hang out," not "date"), goes over some possible questions that my husband might ask, and instructs him on his behavior.

My husband and I came up with a list of questions that I discussed with R and he asked T.

• What attracts him to our daughter?
• What boundaries is he willing to place on the physical part of their relationship?
• What happens when they no longer "like" each other?
• Is he basically asking permission for them to be recognized as a "couple"?

Then, WE set the boundaries. Basically, no dates, even with parents at this point. They can hang out, etc, but no physical contact. I told R to think about whether or not different behaviors would be appropriate for me to do with a man other than her daddy...pats on the back--ok; squeezing leg or backrubs--not ok.

T was understandly scared to death, but I must say that both he and my husband held it together. He asked permission to "court" her. After the talk which took place in the car in the church parking lot, as they walked toward the building, T jokingly asked my husband if he could carry him the rest of the way in. His knees we about to give out!

Both T and R were all smiles for the rest of the night.